Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
