I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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