Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
