I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
