My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
