he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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