im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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