I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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