Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
they're like a gay fantastic four
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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