He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
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She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
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It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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