Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
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I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
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Come back. Shots need mouths.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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