A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I love having hate sex.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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