New invention idea: vibrating tampons
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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