It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
