My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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