First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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