Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
