he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
