Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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