Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
