if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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