I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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