At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
