Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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