one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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