Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
