I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
