God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
