Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
