Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
