as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We have started to decorate penises.
And then my night got REAL pukey
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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