I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
