take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
