I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
