I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
