i think my mom watched the whole time
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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