my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
