He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
