You just made me feel so damn special
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
