The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
