If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
