Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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