Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
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HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy