I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask