Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
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Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
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I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.