I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
