So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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