i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
