but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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