Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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