i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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