Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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