barbara walters just said penis...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
