Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
