And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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