just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
