Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
