whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
