What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize