Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
