As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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