Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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