He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
