I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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