take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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