Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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