Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
