I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my sisters under your porch take her home
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
