Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
