I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
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I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
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When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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