i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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