absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
