just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Welp...herpes.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
