I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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