Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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