You're so nebulous sometimes
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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